Twitter response:

Forgiveness! How and why?

Forgiveness! How and why?
Share the love :

Forgiveness is defined as: the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven. Some may use words like mercy or pardon in place of forgiveness.

HOWEVER,

Forgiveness becomes: A PROCESS!
When we make a choice that hurts someone whether with words or actions then we usually have a sense that forgiveness is needed. Before we can offer it, we must 1st understand what truly needs to be forgiven. What are we really upset about? We can’t apologize or expect apologies from others if we are unsure of the need. If we do not know what we did or what we are upset about, the hurt we feel may never go away. We must pause to understand it, process it and proceed with the necessary actions that can lead to forgiveness of ourselves and the others involved.

This is done by:

3 P’s of Forgiveness

Pause: Don’t act while in the emotion of hurt. Walk away. Tell the person you are hurt and need time to think, etc.…

Process: After emotion subsides process the details of the situation that hurt you. Write it out or talk it out with someone you trust. Don’t finish until you can clearly pinpoint what specifically hurt you.

Proceed: Come up with an action plan. How do you need to proceed? Do you need to apologize or ask for an apology? What steps will you need to take for yourself or need from the other person to feel complete and at peace? If the other person is not willing to be involved then define the steps needed for yourself to forgive them and the situation so you can still move on. Then do it!

Why is forgiveness important?

1: Forgiveness allow us to grow and learn.

When we don’t forgive it stunts our growth and blocks our ability to receive new people or opportunities into our life. Unforgiveness causes us to be closed to opportunities and people in life based on what happened that we are not forgiving. Hurts accumulate if we do not work through them. Scar are created which blocks us from being open to what the world and God has for us. God is a love that is always present and always around us to help us, guide us and heal us but as humans we still live in the world and therefore must interact with others. None of us are perfect and so we will hurt each other rather intentionally or unintentionally. Therefore, forgiveness is a necessary skill to learn for survival and growth.

EX: If you don’t forgive the boyfriend or best friend that left you, that hurt stays and maybe it then closes you off to new love in your life when it is presented again

  1. Forgiveness of others or situations allows us to understand and forgive ourselves more too.

When you are faced with the hurt of forgiveness or need to forgive, it either will define you or force you to change and be better. We must learn to believe our actions do not have to define us but our actions must teach us. If you process what you should learn from the situation then you become aware of what part you had in the situation and can be clearer on how to handle yourself if the situation arises again. In doing this we can forgive ourselves along the way too. Understanding brings awareness of self which leads to knowing who you are more deeply. What your flaws are, what your strengths are and therefore what and who you need in life to support you so you are not finding yourself around the same people and situations that caused the hurt to begin with. There’s no reason to not forgive yourself if you learned from it because you will know yourself better and be less likely to make same mistake again.

Ex: If person “A” hurts us every time we try to play, we can learn: maybe this person is not good for me, maybe I can do other things with them but can’t play because that’s when I get hurt, maybe I am supposed to learn more patience from this person, etc.…
3: Forgiveness helps us be the best version of ourselves so we can help others.
When someone /something hurts us, we often forget the times in which we may have hurt others. It is vital to remember we are not alone in the hurt. We will all experience it and we will all contribute to it at some point. But when we have found forgiveness there also we will find compassion. This compassion will allow us to help others, be more patient with them and improve how we interact with them which improves our interactions with the world around us.  Instead of feeling only the emotion of your hurt, remember most likely many others involved are hurt too and switch your attention to how to make the situation better for everyone. Think about how you could have or did made it right and understand not everyone will see it the same way so they may need help. Some people will want your forgiveness and others won’t. Some people will ask forgiveness and many may not. But you must always forgive the situation even if not allowed to per person to get peace and move on. When you come out the other side of a hard hurt you will see all the ways to help the next person who may it. If you choose to do what you know is right each time then you will continue to grow into a better version of you and that is the only way you will ever be able to help others.

 

Exercise:

Remember a time you needed to forgive and a time you wanted to be forgiven.
What happened? How did it make you feel? What factors drove you to making the decisions you did? What part did you have in the situation? How has it affected decisions since?
What can/did you learn from it?
BIG TAKE AWAY SUMMARY:

Forgiveness is a process!

3 P’s to Forgiving

Pause
Process
Proceed

Forgiveness is important because it helps us to:love and acceptance

-Grow and Learn

-Understand ourselves and others=more compassion and awareness in life

-Become the best version of ourselves=a good/better person

Paige

Share the love :